If New Jersey Outlawed Brazilian Waxes

Illegal Parking

How to Spoil the Mood!

This is just NOT how to do romantic relationships.  Be true to your lover, as you are true to yourself and your God.

Un Chat, Pas un Tigre!

The alleged man-eating tiger on the loose near Euro Disneyland turned out to be a rather large, fat cat.  It had inspired a school lockdown and over 200 police hot on the cat's trail. 


Was Inspector Clouseau among their number?


Meow!


http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/paris-tiger-after-massive-hunt-4636438

Inhabitable Places for Hipsters

Hipster aspirants have a problem -- finding a place to live with hipster cred.  It's not easy.  While the wise hipster will avoid Council Bluffs, Iowa, Nashville, Tennessee, and Jackson Mississippi, there are a number of places where the hipster lifestyle is not supported, like San Diego (thank God).

Actually, I do love to frequent coffee shops.

This map mentions where hipsters can be all the hipster they can be, even with hipster churches, Rotary Clubs, and golf courses, if such paradoxes exist.

Seattle
Portland
San Francisco
Detroit
Minneapolis
Boston
Brooklyn
Binghamton
Oakland
Richmond
Washington
Philadelphia
Asheville
Austin
New Orleans

Manhattan, L.A., Cleveland, and Chicago failed to make the cut.

An observation: Each of these places is memorable in itself, without mention of the states that they are in.

The guide has an all-inclusive Anywhere location.  However, would that also include Bakersfield or Tulsa?

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Click it to enlarge it.

A Proposal Regarding Women's Swimsuits

It's obvious that women's swimsuits occur in a variety of sizes, brevity, and colors.  And some wearers, quite frankly, want as much exposure as possible, whether for sun or attracting guys.   Microbikinis, for example.  But they don't look like they are good at staying in place.

However, another dimension that needs to be considered is how much leeway wearing that swimsuit allows for physical activity without experiencing embarrassing swimsuit malfunctions.

Obviously, one-piece suits are relatively risk-free, as long as the boobs are substantially covered; but bikinis are less so.  I prefer the more secure step-in bikini bottoms, as opposed to string bikinis.  There's no risk of a string becoming loose or untied.  As for the top, the same rule applies: no ties but fasteners.  Hopefully, the fasteners are secure enough to avoid any accidents or slippage.

I suggest that swimsuits be color-coded  with these security ratings on the tag to distinguish them:

Green --  Safe for heavy activity: surfing, beach volleyball, running

Yellow -- Safe for moderate activity: walking, wading, playing frisbee

Orange -- Safe for mild amounts of activity

Red -- To be worn when sedentary activity such as sunning is expected.  May not be legal on some beaches

Surfer Girl

It's hard to believe it, but the Beach Boys' Surfer Girl is over 50 years old!  Surf on, surfer girls!  It's okay to surf with the guys too!

Some Peoples' Choices

Water Slide Debacle

My ex-boyfriend and I went to a water park along with a few family members. I was wearing some cute jean shorts and we decided to get on the water slide.

Now this slide is kind of like a skater ramp (you slide down and you go back and forth until you stop and no one else could go until you get off, so there were a lot of folks waiting.  Well we had our double raft and they drop with us on the slide.

On the way down I felt something (part of the slide) hook onto the pocket of my jean shorts.  My speed caused my shorts to rip, exposing my behind.

At the bottom when I stopped, I found my shorts fell away.  I was so embarrassed that I sat there trying to think of a way to hide my hiney from all the spectators as well as my boyfriend.

There weren't any nearby restrooms so I had no choice but to tell him to cover me. I stood up and we both carried the raft behind me in hopes of hiding my butt cheeks.

Luckily he had a pair of boxers in a bag so I changed into those.  I should've worn a bathing suit instead of those jean shorts with pockets!

Meeting the Big Guy

Those Funny Germans

Prayer to St. Christopher, Patron Saint of Surfers

St. Christopher, patron saint of travelers, is also the patron saint of surfers.

'St. Christopher, Big Kahuna patron saint of surfers, protect me in the water from take-off to the beach.  Carry this surfer chick on your broad shoulders as I spiritually commune through surfing.  I come to this ocean in search of peace and tranquility.  Guide us on our surfing safaris to the awesome, tubular waves, nothing gnarly.  Please give me patience to wait for the right wave, the strength to paddle it, and the ability to ride it.  Help me eventually hang ten, or at least five; for I am in my own way of the faith.  Deliver me from wipe outs, unpleasant ho-daddies, and keep my bikini top secure.  Let me through surfing follow the way of the Lord and come away stoked in spirit.  Amen."

Me trying to hang five.

St. Christopher medal for surfers.

A Chilly Interview

A Chilly Interview

This is about a nasty prank that was played on me. One day, I had a job interview that was scheduled for early in the morning. I was rushing to put on my clothes when I realized that something was missing. I asked my little sister, "Where is my bra?" And she said, "Maybe you should check in the freezer." Damn her, she had known I was going to an interview -- so the night before, she collected all my bras, soaked them in water, and stuck them in the freezer! They were frozen solid. I mean, I could have beaten someone to death with one of those things (and believe me, I was tempted). I was in a HUGE hurry, though. Searching for the bras had wasted way too much of my time, and I figured "What the hell. I don't really need a bra anyway." So I just rushed out the door, and drove to the interview.

The man who interviewed me seemed nice, and I thought the interview was going pretty well, but there was a problem. I'd picked my clothes before I realized that I wouldn't have a bra, so I was wearing a tee-shirt that was sort of tight. And there was air-conditioning in the room.  REALLY cold air-conditioning. So my nipples became sort of...well...perky. VERY perky. I tried to act as if nothing strange was happening, but the interviewer kept looking at my chest with a sort of bemused look on his face. I don't know whether he thought that I was a slut, or that I was just really, really enjoying that interview.

Anyway, I did not get the job.  However, he suggested that I try for a wait staff position at a restaurant located nearby.

What's Awesome About Being Single and in Your Twenties!

1. You can travel anywhere without having to feel guilty about not bringing your partner.
2. You don’t have to explain why you came home late — even if the excuse is Taco Bell.
3. You don’t have to hide hanging out with other people from the opposite sex — especially coworkers.
4. You can save more money on literally everything.
5. You don’t feel obligated to share individual items, such as burritos.
6. You can keep your house as clean or as messy as you desire without being judged.
7. You can go out and exchange numbers with anyone, anytime and anywhere.
8. You don’t need to befriend another set of weird dancing family members — your own set is plenty.
9. You don’t have to engage in awkward conversations with your partner’s annoying and obnoxious friends.
10. You need not participate in checkpoint conversations throughout the day.
11. You can storm out of the room and literally leave town without owing an explanation.
12. You can pick up weird new hobbies, such as fencing, without being judged.
13. At least physically, you won’t let yourself go because you’ll be consistently working against “the competition.”
14. You can focus on your career and maybe even move to new cities or countries to pursue a better job.
15. You can spend as much time as you want with your friends without feeling guilty.
16. You can have adventures with new people without having to explain the story about how you met.
17. You can buy cool gifts for yourself instead of pretending to “want” to buy something for your partner.
18. You don’t have to share party favors and your six-pack will remain in the fridge, untouched, after the bar.
19. You don’t have to deal with weird introductions to your family or your mother’s judging glare.
20. You don’t have to be anybody beside yourself and you are free to figure out who that is, however and whenever you want.
21. It's okay if you want to dress in a sexy fashion; people who count won't make judgments.
22. If you want to sleep in, no one's keeping score.
23. Likewise if you don't want to shave your legs.
24. Or wear a bra.
25. No one will tell you that you need to go to church because it's Sunday.